Tuesday, March 8, 2011

My Baby Is ONE Today!!!!

I can't believe how fast time flies! I never could have imagined how amazing parenthood is. When I think back to life before Tommy, it amazes me at how lazy and selfish I was. I slept all day and watched sooo much tv! My house was always messy, even though the only responsibility I ever had was working 35 hours a week. Today, my house is soooo much cleaner, even though I have a little man running around messing it up behind me! I just don't understand what I used to do with my time... what I did for enjoyment... what made me smile.

Today, all of that is filled with Thomas. Every second that he is awake, all I want to do is watch him and play with him. I swear we could play 'chase Tommy' all day long! And those GIGGLES, OMG! They are my main source of joy! After working long 14 hour shifts on the weekends, coming home to my baby is so rejuvenating! He makes my whole world better. No matter how bad my day, when I walk in that door to his smile, my day instantly gets better. Even if he is crabby and teething, there is something relaxing about being with him.

I honestly have NO IDEA what I used to do for stress relief and happiness. I know he is only one, but I already worry some days about him graduating and leaving the house. What will I do with all my time when my baby isn't around?? I know it is 17 years away, but I still worry. My world revolves around this precious, amazing, beautiful little boy. What will I do when he continues growing up? People keep telling me that it is time to have another baby, but I don't know that I want to yet. I just want to sit and soak up Tommy's 'babyness'. I know it will come and go faster than I can imagine and I don't want to miss a second of it for morning sickness or a midday nap. No. I'm not ready to share my attention with another child. I love my world revolving around Tommy. I love thing the way things are. I have never been someone who adjusts to change very well, so today I find myself reflecting on the past year and wishing I could catch it in a glass jar and hold onto it forever.

I know we always have our memories, but I know how awful my memory is and I worry that I will forget... those late night feedings, my 'milk smiles' when I try to get him to laugh while he is very focused on nursing, the screams while driving in the car (Tommy used to HATE car rides), the 3 1/2 hours of labor, the LAUGHING (yes, I said laughing) while I was pushing, seeing him for the first time... everything. I don't want to forget any of it. But I know I will. Today I was talking to my sister and even forgot that she had her thyroid removed... and that was only one year ago. I don't want to forget any part of the past year! I couldn't imagine life without Tommy and I don't want to.

Thank you God for my life. I am amazed by Tommy everyday and I feel like I finally get life. I used to have so much anxiety, but not anymore! I have been so blessed with this little miracle I call Thomas. I couldn't have asked for a more amazing son and I am so excited to see where this life will take him! My baby is no longer a baby. He is a toddler. Happy Birthday Thomas Allen! ****Muah!!!****

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